Portmanteaus That Should Die in a Fire Lit by Pages From the OED

...with apologies to Shakespeare.

1. "Mom" + "Fill-in-the-blank"

*shudder* 

Here are just a few examples: 

Mom + Entrepreneur = Momtrepreneur

Mom + Delicious = Momalicious

Mom + Sensational = Momsational

Mom + Orgasm = Momgasm

Mom + Ridiculous = Momidiculous

Thanks to Jezebel for these, except the last one, which I may have made up on the spot. 

And can we just—I mean—what—I can't—

Being a mother is not a niche, just like being a woman is not a special category. I object to it all:

I object to the term "Mommy Blogging."

I object to ever calling someone a "Mommy Blogger."

I object to the weird fetishization of motherhood generally.

But I especially object to jamming the word "Mom" or "Mommy" together with another word to create a new word (actually not a word, people, unless you're Shakespeare, are you Shakespeare, no, I didn't think so). 

Just, no. 

2. Feminist + Nazi = Feminazi

Fun fact, I first came across "feminazi" as a young preteen reading Rush Limbaugh's bestselling books, See, I Told You So and The Way Things Ought to Be, proving that even if you are 12 years-old and living in China, you can still grow up reading the classics. 

Did not!

How many times have I had some version of this conversation:

"So, you're a feminist. What kind of feminist are you?"

"Um, just a normal one, I guess."

"But—I mean, you don't hate men, right?" *laughs awkwardly*

Why is it always about you, random dude? Are you afraid I'm going to round up your kind and send you to a concentration camp because I believe that women should be treated equally? 

Yeah. 'Cause those things are totally the same.

3. "Fit" + "Inspiration" = "Fitspiration" or "Fitspo" for short

Don't even get me started. 

F*** you. (Photo via lovelivegrow)

Fitspo appears to be short for "an excuse to post a picture of my abs on Instagram." Now, explain to me how this is inspiring? 

Am I supposed to instantly go out and join the nearest Crossfit gym? Feel bad about my flabby stomach? Put down that cookie? 

"Fitspo," not only are you a crime against the English language, you are a crime against the human (usually female) body. 

Now, excuse me. I'm going to go eat cookies and read incendiary feminist literature about solving the "Man Problem." 

Workout for FREE - The Life & Times of a Cheapskate in LA

Hey look at that body, hey look at that body, hey look at that body...I workout!

Oh--Hai there!

Do you like free stuff? Me too! That's why I'm devoting this post to FREE ways to workout in Los Angeles.

Ditch the gym and join your free-lovin' friends for some sweat & endorphins & hot people in spandex (Let's be real. This is the land of aspiring actors).

Without further ado:

Monthly coupons for a FREE class (you may have to sign up for their newsletter):
Swerve Studio
Yoga Vibe
Black Dog Yoga

First class FREE:
FITMIX Studio
Liberation Yoga (love it!)
Circuit Hollywood

Ongoing FREE yoga:
Sunday mornings @ Lululemon (locations everywhere!)
Free Yoga for Runners
Runyon Canyon Yoga
Naam Yoga (Check out beach yoga @ 10:00am)
Yoga @ the Los Angeles Public Library

Ongoing FREE fitness:
Nike Training Club Santa Monica
Nike Training Club @ The Grove [No longer exists. Sad day.]
Boot Camp in Grand Park
Yoga & Zumba in Pershing Square
Athleta @ The Grove - Classes every weekend
Athleta @ Fashion Square - Classes every weekend
Racked LA Fit Club - RSVP required. Try a new workout and get free swag too.
Toms Venice Flagship - Sign up for their newsletter and find out about free yoga, rub club & surfing.

Disclaimers and such: Gas & parking are not free. Choose a workout close to you! Also, I have not been to all of these classes, so I can't vouch for their individual level of awesome.

That said--it's free! What do you have to lose? Get out there in your awkwardly tight shorts and the T-shirt you haven't worn since college and get your cheapskate butt in shape!