All of my best friends are girls. However, this is by no means through my own efforts and/or merit. There are people who are good at making friends and there are people who are not so good at making friends. I would fall into the latter category. Blame it on my rugged individualism or general lack of social skills. Or the fact that I don't usually like talking to people I don't know.
Let's just say that I love my friends and I don't know how they put up with me.
But how do you do it? Make friends with other women, I mean. It can't be that hard...right?
Again, I am the wrong person to be giving advice here. But let me introduce you to my buddy Aristotle. Aristotle believed that there are three types of friends:
Friend A is the life of the party. She knows all the best clubs, wears all the best clothes, and drives a Mini. You call her when you want to go out and have a good time.
Friend B always has the hookup--she knows everybody. If you are looking for an industry job or selling your script, she knows exactly who you need to talk to.
Friend C is someone you both like and admire. You two share common interests, work cooperatively toward common goals, and generally enjoy each other's company.
In sum, there are three types of friendship: friendships based on pleasure, friendships based on utility, and friendships based on character. Or, in other words, we are friends with someone because she is either pleasant, useful, or good [in the Aristotelian sense].
Aristotle advocates for the third type of friendship, in which you value your friend for herself, and not because she is fun to be around or because she can do something for you.
If we're honest, we've probably all been someone's friend because it was either pleasant or convenient--she had a car and we didn't, or she liked playing Super Mario Brothers, and so did we.
But ideally, we want Friend C.
Problems arise when these motivations are in conflict: Friend X chooses Friend Y out of utility, while Friend Y chooses Friend X for herself. There's a lack of reciprocity.
Of course, if we value a friend for herself, she is by default both pleasant and useful to us, not because we automatically "use" our friends, but because being friends with someone of good character is always beneficial: "With friends men are more able both to think and act" [from Nicomachean Ethics].
Friends are necessary for a virtuous (good) life. I quote:
"Between friends there is no need for justice, but people who are just still need the quality of friendship; and indeed friendship is considered to be justice in the fullest sense."
When both friends are good (equal in virtue), reciprocity (justice) is not an issue. It exists by definition between two people of good character. When you want the best for your friend and she wants the best for you--it's not a question of justice. Rather, friendship is a context for the exercise of virtue.
The good things you do for a friend, you in a sense do for yourself, without expecting anything in return. I certainly feel this way with my close friends. I feel almost selfish wanting to spend time with them because I enjoy their company so much.
If I have any advice on making friends with a girl (or anyone really), it would be:
1. Look for similar interests.
2. Look for someone whose values you admire.
3. Compliment her taste.
4. Work on a common goal together.
Oh, and read Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics. Brilliant stuff.
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