Take Your Introvert to Work Day

Actual conversation at a new job:

Supervisor: "Hi M____. I'm just going to say hello. We don't need to have an awkward morning conversation.
Me: "Are you sure? I have a minute."
Supervisor: "No, I think we're good."

I could be wrong, but I think he was referencing our "checking in" conversations wherein he would say encouraging, nice things about this being a new job and all and I would look at him quizzically.

In case you hadn't noticed, I am an introvert (an INTP if you want to get technical).

Dammit. Secret's out. No one will ever hire me to do anything even remotely extroverted, like greet shoppers at Wal-Mart or sell used cars.

My life is over.

But seriously, have you ever noticed how many job descriptions contain the words, "must be outgoing"? I like to call this the extrovert-bias. I give you the opening of an actual job ad on Craigslist:

"Are you a quiet person? DO you consider yourself an introvert? Do you often keep your thoughts, ideas and opinions to yourself? If you answered YES to any of these questions, now is the time to stop reading this job description. No really, stop reading and please take a minute to forward this along that overly passionate, ambitious & outgoing friend of yours."

Because introverts are never passionate, ambitious or expressive. No. Of course not. If I have ideas or thoughts, I like nothing more than to keep them to myself. Always. Yep. No opinions here. 

Incidentally, Carl King wrote a great blog titled "10 Myths About Introverts." Go read it. 

This is my version of that article, with a special emphasis on the introvert at work. Perhaps you are either an introvert who works or you know a few introverts that do. Consider yourself educated on this important issue. 

To start with definitions: You are an extrovert if you get energy from socializing and being around other people. You are an introvert if you get energy, in other words you recharge, by being by yourself.

Just because I'm introvert doesn't mean...

That I hate people.

In fact, I'm usually a fan. You're a person? Awesome! Me too. I like people, especially singly. I need to be around people just as much as I need time alone. Sometimes, I don't like being around large groups of people. This is not because I don't like people. It's because large quantities of them can be overwhelming and all I can hear in my brain is "RETREAT, RETREAT."

This applies to interpersonal relationships too. That introverted girl at work? She doesn't hate you either. Unless you're a jerk. In which case, she probably does hate you.

That I don't like to talk.

Ha. Hahahaha. I can see anyone who's ever really gotten to know me rolling their eyes at this very second. I pity the person stuck with me in a car for 4-18 hours. I will start talking about the meaning of life. Try and stop me.

Admittedly, I'm more likely to talk if the other person is really listening (or has no choice, see road trip example above). Often, I'm trying to develop a thought or idea and I want the other person to stay with me on that contemplative highway until we either A) come to a preliminary conclusion, B) take a snack break.

A friend once told me that I'm a good conversationalist. I think what she meant is that I have an agenda (something I want to talk about) and I attempt to steer the conversation in that direction.

I tried this at a speed dating event once. After a few rounds of telling people "what I do" and hearing about their exciting jobs in retail, I decided that we were going to talk about what I wanted to talk about. I asked each guy I was paired with the same question, listened, responded, and enjoyed myself immensely while also gathering new data for one of the research projects currently going on in my mind.

That I'm shy.

This comes and goes for me. I know that not all introverts are shy. The problem with being quiet or reserved is that people tend to project characteristics onto your personality that don't necessarily apply. Such as,

That I'm insecure.

This can be true sometimes too. But sometimes, I'm insanely confident in my abilities. Maybe a little too confident.

That I'm judging you.

I get this one a lot. Let me just state for the record that I enjoy "that's what she said" moments almost as much as the next person. I'm not judging you. I'm just not chiming in. I never quite know what to say to stuff like, "Wow, you must think we're all really weird." Yes, I do?

That I'm socially awkward.

I've been thinking about this one a lot. I've certainly had my awkward moments (see above), but I'm not sure if this makes me socially awkward.

I have this theory that socially awkward moments are all about timing. I see you and say, "Hi." Two seconds go by. You say "Hi" back. Something feels off. I start wondering whether or not you like me. Is there spinach in my teeth? Those two seconds opened up a tiny, awkward gap in the social infrastructure, exposing the fear and insecurity that lies beneath.

Okay, that was a little bit too deep.

Phone conversations are almost always awkward for me, mostly because I can't seem to get the pauses and timing right. Apparently, I pause too long before saying something, probably because I'm thinking about what I'm about to say. The gaps in speech make it awkward.

I find that after I've been deeply absorbed in something introspective or solitary, my social timing is all screwed up. I need to stretch, socially speaking, before I'm ready to engage.

That I'm smart. 

I'm kidding, of course. It does mean that. Except replace "smart" with "a smart ass."

That I'm a pushover.

Introverts are not necessarily meek and easily manipulated, as I'm sure many extroverts have discovered to their chagrin. And I'm not just talking about passive-aggressive behavior or a stubborn refusal to go clubbing. Introverts can kick some serious butt, especially if you threaten their family, friends or pet projects (or pets, now that I think of it).

So there you have it. Introverts are people too.