NEVER USE SEMICOLONS, EVER EVER EVER--unless you want to and you know what you're doing.
The Long Version
“Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.”
- Kurt Vonnegut
- Kurt Vonnegut
I have a theory about semicolons. It goes like this: most people wouldn't know what a semicolon was if it walked up and slapped them in the face with a mackerel. However, the semicolon is one sexy and highly academic-looking punctuation mark, so your average college student will throw a couple in at random whenever he or she is writing a paper. You know, to be smart and stuff.
STOP THAT. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.
Rule #4547 of Grammar: If you don't know what it is or what it does, don't use it!
Semicolons are not your friend. Semicolons are more like your frenemy--your somewhat exotic, strangely hybridized frenemy (transvestite hermaphrodites anyone?), but still. Just like every other kind of punctuation, you must make semicolons work for you, and the only way to do that is to know what they mean.
Any guesses? Bueller? Look at the semicolon. Look at it. What is it telling you?
;
That's right. Semicolons, despite their name, function nothing like colons (:). Rather, they exist somewhere on the spectrum between a comma and a period.
A semicolon represents an identity crisis of sorts. It's not a full stop, like a period, but neither is it a brief pause, like a comma.
"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much."
-Helen Keller
Here, the semicolon is like, "Hold up, Imma let you finish, but first I need to pause in-between these two complete but related thoughts."
This is important--each unit separated by a semicolon must be a complete grammatical unit (clause).
This is important--each unit separated by a semicolon must be a complete grammatical unit (clause).
Either half could stand entirely on its own, i.e.:
"Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."
[If you don't know what a complete sentence is, you might want to mind your subjects and your verbs.]
"Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."
[If you don't know what a complete sentence is, you might want to mind your subjects and your verbs.]
Notice what happens if we use a comma and a coordinating conjunction instead of a semicolon: "Alone we can do so little, but together we can do so much."
INCORRECT/BAD version:
"Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much."
INCORRECT/BAD version:
"Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much."
So now we have the original sentence and two grammatically sound variations:
"Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much."
"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much."
"Alone we can do so little, but together we can do so much."
Notice the difference in feeling among these three sentences. Which do you like best? Discuss.
Keller's sentence demonstrates two very good reasons to use a semicolon--parallelism and juxtaposition.
"ALONE we can do so LITTLE; TOGETHER we can do so MUCH."
Alone/Together
Little/Much
The semicolon conveys the parallel relationship between the two clauses in the way that a period cannot. In addition, the contrast is starker without the use of a comma and coordinating conjunction.
Can you see now how punctuation can affect style?
The original sentence is statelier and more controlled.
And now, a response to Vonnegut and his semicolon hatred:
"Great quote, but total bullshit. The semicolon is beautiful, the epitome of a soft pause that gives cadence to an otherwise abrupt shift in ongoing thought. The semicolon is delicate and necessary and, if not overused, the most romantic of punctuation marks."
-Jen Knox
Like I said, semicolons can be sexy in a certain light. I don't care for them, but maybe you like that sort of thing. More punctuation power to you. Know what a semicolon is and how to properly use it in a sentence.
Then, go crazy. Walk around with an extra swagger in your step, 'cause, "Yo, I know how to use a semicolon properly, just call me the 'Grammar Gangsta.'"
Go ahead. You have my permission. You're welcome.
Then, go crazy. Walk around with an extra swagger in your step, 'cause, "Yo, I know how to use a semicolon properly, just call me the 'Grammar Gangsta.'"
Go ahead. You have my permission. You're welcome.
