Sunday, November 13, 2011

Stalking v. Courtship: 10 Signs You Should Back the #&%* Off

I appreciate a persistent man. Heck, I love the thrill of (being) chased. But stalking is not courtship.* Harassment is not courtship, despite Christopher Hitchens' eliding of the two in his article about Herman Cain.

In the spirit of charity and good will, here's a handy list of 10 signs that you may be stalking or harassing your intended significant other and not, in fact, winning them over with your persistent 1am texts.

Your attention may be unwanted if...

1. You show up unannounced on his doorstep with a two-liter of Mountain Dew and a DVD.

2. After meeting her for the first time, you write her a lengthy email declaring that she is the love of your life--and you don't just mean in a sexual way.

3. You gift him a handmade ceramic sign with his name on it it "for his bedroom door."

4. You tell her, "Your boobs look amazing."

5. You take pictures of him surreptitiously during a party, then send a casual email with the pictures attached.

6. You grab her butt, then pretend nothing happened. 

7. You get slapped with a restraining order. 

8. You try to kiss her. She pulls away. You try again. 

9. He changes his phone number. Five times. 

10. She tells you to back the #&%* off.










*In a perfect world, here are some other things that would not be considered courtship: 
1. Liking someone's status on fb.
2. Texting "hey."
3. Saying, "You wanna come over and watch a movie?"

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