Feminist resolves to give up getting angry as primary free-time activity

After much thought, consideration, and eye rolling from friends, Laurie Merten, 33, has decided to give up getting angry as her primary free-time activity.

"It was getting out of control," said Merten's best friend, Lindsey Seville. "We couldn't go out for a quiet dinner at the Olive Garden without Laurie bursting into a tirade about the portrayal of women as thought objects in the post 90s cinema of Wong Kar-wai."

Merten, also affectionately known to her family as "Ragey McRagerson," used to spend the majority of her free time penning feminist screeds or lecturing strangers on the metro about the differences between second and third wave feminism.

"Cultivating rage really took a lot out of me," Merten admits. "I spent so much of my time working myself into a state of righteous indignation that I really missed out on a lot that life has to offer."

Initially at a loss about what to do with her newfound free time, she has quickly turned to other forms of less violent entertainment, including yoga, knitting, and posting videos of cute animals to her friends' facebook walls.

"It seems to calm her," said David Li, Merten's live-in boyfriend. "She's already knitted five beanies and three scarfs for her nephew, Jason. He lives in Miami."

"It's really quiet around here," he added.

Merten, a marketing executive for a local company, first took up fury as a sophomore in college.

"The professor asked everyone who considered themselves a feminist to raise their hand. No one did. That's when I knew that becoming an angry bitch was my true calling."

"I was so naive."

Fourteen years later, Merten has relinquished her wrath. "I used to let every little thing bug me. Now, when a strange man gropes me on the street, I just shrug it off as a compliment."

Instead of burning her bra on the street corner every Sunday at 6am sharp, she has been spending an increasing number of hours on Pinterest.

"People don't tend to pin things that they're angry about," she explained. "I never see anyone pinning about child slavery or the the concussion her husband gave her for burning the cornbread."

Through Pinterest, she has already pinned over 30 popsicle stick crafts that she will never get around to actually making.

"It's amazing what you can accomplish when you're not spending your free hours haranguing against the patriarchy."

The road hasn't been easy. Merten admits that giving up rage has severely restricted her internet habits. She has stopped watching the news. When a co-worker starts talking about the republican primary, she puts her hands over her ears and starts singing loudly.

Recently, she found herself meditating vehemently in a bathroom stall after a male colleague was promoted after only six months in the same position.

"No, I don't think it has anything to do with gender. Men and women are basically equal in this day and age. They wouldn't have promoted him if they didn't think he was good at what he does. Would you like me to knit you a scarf?"

"I kind of miss the old Laurie," admitted Li.

"At least she would raise her voice when something was bothering her. Now I have to tiptoe around all the time."