Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Passion and Plastic Water Bottles

So, I'm working on this shoot and the weird thing about it is there's no drama. I mean, I suppose there are little bits and pieces of it, but barely enough to register a blip on the dramatic Richter scale.

I'm used to drama on set. Outbursts. Catastrophes. Fits of pique.

Stuff goes wrong. Stuff always goes wrong. But the root of all drama, I've decided, is ego.

When I'm working on a project--unless it's my project--I usually can't see the big picture. I'm focused on my tiny little corner of responsibility.

I think I'm fairly good at being single-minded, focused.

This kind of tunnel vision is awesome as a writer, director, editor. But as a below-the-line (?) person, not so much.

I'm a bit ashamed to admit it, but I have been passionate--passionate--about the consumption and waste of bottled water on set. Because I drove to Costco and bought that bottled water, dammit, and now you have the nerve to leave it lying around after drinking one lousy sip!

I had passion without perspective. I was scaring myself.

It could just be simple pride: My work is important. My work is more important. I am more important.

(And I doubt that the opposite is apathy and neglect, necessarily.)

I care. But I don't want to care so much that it gets in the way of doing my job or treating people well. I want passion without ego. Dedication without contention. Persistence without perfectionism.

I want to invest everything I can, and then let it go. 'Cause even if it's mine, it's not mine. I don't have the big picture.

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