So what you're saying is...

So I read this great article about boundaries the other day by Bob Hamp, entitled "Understanding What People Are REALLY Trying to Say."

The best part of the article (in my opinion), was the section on "Boundary Setting Communication." Hamp states:

"Boundaries are almost always violated at the level of covert communication. An overt statement is made, but it is accompanied by a covert boundary 'bomb.' One example of this occurs when someone makes a crude joke or a sexual innuendo, in a relationship where such talk would normally be off-limits."

People do this in order to test your limits--will you laugh it off as a joke? Go silent? Avoid eye contact?

The way that you deal with such boundary violations is to "[m]ake the covert message overt, and pose it in the form of a question."

Now, I have to say--I think this is awesome, and kinda sorta hilarious when you really think about it. Can you imagine ACTUALLY doing this and seeing the looks on people's faces? 

Well, I'm the kind of person who thinks of the perfect comeback after the fact. I'm also the kind of person who doesn't even realize she is angry or bothered by something until a couple of hours after it happens. I have my own built-in time buffer for strong emotions.

So just for fun (and because I think it's hilarious), I'm going to make the covert overt, and ask a few questions of my own: 

"So, you just jokingly asked which of our other co-workers I contracted a sexually transmitted disease from--it seems to me that you are trying to determine whether or not I am promiscuous. Is that the case?"

"I just told you about an academic honor I received, and you responded by pointing out that I attend an inferior institution of high education. It seems like you're saying that I have not, in fact, measured up to your standards. Is that true? If I were attending Harvard, would you be proud of me then?" 

"You just pointed out that I would be so pretty if I...[fill in the blank]. So what you're saying is I'm not pretty now, but I would be if only I followed your advice and changed my appearance?"

"You just told me about your yearly vacations to Thailand, half-seriously indicated I sit in your lap, and are now playfully cornering me in the aisle of a bus. I could be wrong, but you seem to be saying that you are attracted to Asian women, and I could totally have sex with you if so inclined. True?"